Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Mill Creek Movie Review #1

I own a lot of movies. I think the last count I found I had around 400 DVDs. Now granted some of these are wrestling DVDs, there are some that are TV series (Yes, I do own the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer Collection.) and then there are the movies.

Sure, I own the ones everyone owns: Anchorman, Wizard of Oz (2 copies actually), and A Christmas Story.

But I also own movies like Barefoot Gen: A Japanese Anime about post World War 2 Hiroshima and the fall out of the atomic bomb.

Then there are these two sets.

Yes, I own 2 sets of those 50 movies for $20 sets (Which I actually paid $10 and $15 for respectively.) Now I’m sure many of you have just past by these things and not even paid much attention to them. However, I knew there was something special about those sets.

The company that releases them is called Mill Creek Entertainment, and really they specialize on taking public domain movies and releasing them for cheap into one of these sets.

They also have bought the rights to all the Ernest movies and released them on Blu-Ray…yes, that is the quality we are looking at.

Now those who really know I love truly awful movies. I am talking the ones that appear on Mystery Science Theater 3000. As a matter of fact, many of the movies on this set actually have appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I don’t think I know too many people who can say they own two copies of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Phantom Planet and Teenagers from Outer Space. But combined with these sets and the MST3K sets that I own, you can say you that you know one person.

However not all the movies on these sets are horrible. Night of the Living Dead, one of the greatest horror movies of all time, and the grandfather of all zombie movies is on this set…and I got it for $0.30.

Lon Cheney Sr.’s classic Phantom of the Opera…. $0.30, 2 Gamera movies…$0.20 each. Metropolis, the original Little Shop of Horrors, both $0.30.

So why am I telling you this?  Because during these next…I don’t know how long, I am going to pick out a random movie from one of the sets, and write about it. What are you in for? Well, today’s pick was Attack of the Monsters (aka Gamera vs. Guiron.)

Now what can I say about a movie where THIS is your main villain

And contains this scene:

Nice dismount by the way, unfortunately the judges are going to take away some points for the air guitar celebration, solid 5.4 though.

Let me tell you a little bit about Gamera.

Gamera is a giant turtle that flies because of rockets in his shell.

I should just end the review right there. There is nothing else I can say that can make it any better than that.

Okay, I’ll go futher. Daiei Motion Pictures created Gamera during the big Kaiju (giant monster) craze of the 1960’s, as a direct competition to TOHO’s Godzilla.

At first Gamera was like all destructive monsters but soon adopted the moniker of “friend of children.” Why? Why not!

So fast-forward to 1969 for the fifth entry in the Gamera series (I told you I was going random order.)

We start our adventure with two young boys Akio and Tom…. yes Tom. Looking through a telescope noticing a spaceship descending to earth. Now, why a gajin (Japanese for foreigner) like Tom is here is never explained. He’s just…there in Japan.

The next day Akio and Tom, along with Akio’s sister Tomoko go to the crash site to investigate.

Now, not only do the boys board the ship, but they also pilot it into space.

Of course, there is a spaceship crash landed in the middle of a city in Japan, and there is no one guarding it, and of course 2 ten year olds, know how to operate the ship, sending them into space.

I tell you, these kids and their technology, and Xbox’s and their Frogger.

The boys get caught in an asteroid field, but luckily Gamera is there to clear a path for them…all so they can crash on another planet.

While on this planet they find Guiron, who appears to be the San Jose Sharks mascot

Mystery Science Theater 3000 describes him as “Eeyore on Acid”…. both are acceptable.

It seems that Guiron is the property of Barbella and Floban, the last two inhabitants of the planet Terra, which is the planet the boys have crashed on. Incidentally, I also think Barbella and Floban may be the hot daughters of Krankor from Prince of Space.

Aparntly, Terra, is in our solar system, but scientists have not discovered it because it is on the opposite side of the sun as earth…. yes, that is the explanation.

However, all is not pleasant with the Terran women, as they do not want to protect the boys, but rather eat their brains to gain knowledge on how to invade earth.

Well I guess if a 10 year old can fly an alien space ship, then sure, eating their brains will help you gain the knowledge of how to invade earth.

Reason #27 why I will never eat Sweet Breads.

Sensing the boys are in danger yet again Gamera comes to the planet to save the children.

Gamera fights Guiron in an epic battle which once again contains…. this.

Guiron throws Gamera into the ocean and in theory kills him.

The End….

Okay, no it’s not.

During the melee, Tom grabs Akio, who was just about to get his head eaten by two hot Asian women…and not in a good way. (Sorry, I just had to.)

However, as he does this he releases Guiron from the Terran’s control, causing Jabberjaw here to go apeshit crazy in the remains of the Terran city, and slices Barbella and Floban’s ship in half, injuring Barbella. However, not wanting to be accompanied by someone weak, Floban proceeds to kill Barbella.

I don’t know how Terran reproduction works, and they probably were screwed already but I think Floban didn’t think that one through. Oh well, she’s dead 5 minutes later.

While all this is happening Gamera escapes his watery grave and fights finally defeats the walking Ginsu knife by piledriving Guiron nose first into the ground.

…. Well that’s just not fair.

Gamera pulls the ship together with his claws and sends the boys home to their mothers and Gedde Watanabe here.

Overall Attack of the Monsters is a fun, silly Japanese monster movie, which is fun for the whole family…if your family likes really goofy movies.

This movie is in the public domain so really it means you can find it, download it, or just watch it online anywhere. It is on youtube and as well as on the Sci Fi Classics set.

Like so many of the movies on these sets it is also available in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 set on DVD. (This version is also on youtube but I didn’t tell you about it.)

I’ll be back sometime later to review some movie and until then....

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